Are the children of law enforcement officers affected by their parents’ work? According to a study led by Rudy Arrendondo in 2002, law enforcement children can “develop traumatic stress vicariously” through watching and listening to their parents experiencing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Not all children will experience or transfer their parents’ stress, but it’s something for law enforcement parents to be aware of. Experts say that the law enforcement child will go through many different stages of acceptance of his or her parent’s law enforcement job depending on their age and cognitive development.
(source: Mark Bond, “Children of the badge: The impact of stress on law enforcement children”)
Photo by Sheri Hooley on Unsplash
This adds yet another layer to an already difficult job: Parenting. Which makes it even more important to be sure you and your mate are on the same page when it comes to your parenting strategy. One of the hot spots for many couples? Discipline.
We hear from so many parents who feel they are the “bad guy” when it comes to disciple and they wonder how they can get their mate more involved with it comes to disciplining the kids.
This can be another area where opposites can complement each other. In our family, Barb was the “no” and Gary was the “yes” when it came to the kids. We laugh about it today, but at the time it was tough. We look back, however, and see that Barb was strong at creating boundaries and structure, while Gary was far more able to give our girls “wings,” releasing them, helping them make their own decisions. The balance was good for our kids.
The biggest suggestion we make is that if you are disagreeing about your disciplining of the children, you must disagree outside the earshot of the kids. If dad is being heavy-handed about something (we’re not talking abuse here, just strict discipline) and mom disagrees, then mom must wait to say anything until she and dad can talk privately. Then, if something is misunderstood or needs to change, it can happen after the fact. You as parents must always present a united front to their kids; otherwise, the kids will wise up, circumvent you, manipulate you, and pit you against each other. That just leads to chaos.
Also understand that each of your children is very different (as if you didn’t know that already!). Different genders and different stages of life demand different parenting strategies. Treating all your children the same doesn’t work, treating a boy and a girl the same doesn’t work, and treating boys and girls at different stages the same doesn’t work. Communicate beforehand when possible what would be the best disciplinary strategy for that particular child for that particular infraction.
Parenting is hard work, and it helps for both of you to be on the same page as much as possible. Learn together to be reflective and prayerful. Discipline with love and consistency. Those are some of the best gifts you can give to your children.
*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It's available in our online bookstore!